Ellie Laks felt lonely as a kid. Especially after her two brothers were born.  Things got better when Simon joined the family. Simon made Ellie feel lovable, worthy and good to be around. She had someone to hang out with. Ellie says that Simon saved her life. Simon was a dog.

She always loved animals and nature. Frequently, she would bring home an animal that needed caring for.  A house full of animals was her definition of a real home. Her parents disagreed. To avoid confrontation, they would wait until Ellie was in school and then get rid of the animals.

It was traumatizing to come home after school to find her animals gone. So one day she yelled at her parents: “When I grow up, I will have a big place of animals and I will show the world how beautiful they are!” Ellie was 7 years old.

Fast forward to today and Ellie’s creation–the Gentle Barn, a sanctuary for 120 animals. In addition to providing a great home and life for the animals, Gentle Barn brings in children (especially at risk kids) to spend time with the animals. When kids get to spend time and care for animals there is a healing magic that occurs. People come from all over the world to visit Gentle Barn.  It’s a beautiful, successful place.

Gentle Barn got its start 14-years ago, when Ellie noticed a petting zoo on the side of the road. She pulled over, went in and was shocked by the terrible conditions: Animals were malnourished and sick–some of them were even dead in their cages. Horrified, she just wanted to leave but before she could get out, a goat blocked the door. The goat stared right at her – in Ellie’s words: into my soul–and begged her for help. So Ellie asked the owners if she could take the goat.  The answer was “No”.

With her 1-year old baby in-tow, Ellie went back the next day and again asked if she could take the goat. Again, the answer was “No”. But Ellie was not to be deterred. She kept going back, every day, paying the entrance fee, sitting with the goat until the Zoo closed in the evening and asked again and again: “Can I take the goat?”. Finally, on the 12^th day, they said “Yes”.

Ellie named the goat, Mary, cared for her, and brought her back to robust health. For the first time, Ellie was able to keep and care for an animal. The transformation and the joy she witnessed in Mary was fulfilling. That was the point of no return.

Ellie also experienced difficulties. She talks about the 5-6 dark and difficult years when she and her husband barely held on, had little money to buy new clothes for the kids and barely enough to eat. Estranged, family and friends deemed her and her husband irresponsible, crazy and hanging on to pipe dreams. She makes it sound like it was not such a big deal.

Ellie didn’t allow herself to give up because she was more afraid of the consequences of not pursuing her dream than of the uncertainty of going for it. She knew what was at stake: the welfare of animals and children.

And slowly, she brought her dream to life; and now Gentle Barn is a great success. Today the Gentle Barn has been home to hundreds of animals and hosted over 100,000 people.

We are proud to feature Ellie Laks as one of our speakers at Bonfire Heights* in November 2013.

The reason we highlight stories like Ellie’s is because we strongly believe that all of us have some kind of dream or voice in us and that it is a tragedy to ignore it.

We feature ordinary people doing extraordinary things!

Come join us, have some s ’mores with Ellie and be inspired. Maybe you can get started on your dream, You can learn more about Bonfire Heights and sign up here. 

Support Ellie and her cause! Donate to the Gentle Barn.

*Bonfire Heights is an affordable 3 day retreat with 12 extraordinary speakers, free workshops and surprises.

“I don’t have children, so it might seem that my story lacks relevance to the work-life balance debate…”, writes Erin Callan, the former chief financial officer of Lehman Brothers in her article in the NY times. 

Isn’t it funny, that the work-life balance debate seems to be so gender biased? Not only that: if you don’t have children, don’t even start to complain!

My client JH was a single childless woman when she contacted me. She felt something was wrong with her. She didn’t like the pressure of being an IT consultant, the long hours, the flights, the calls in the evenings and on the weekends, the additional admin she had to do on top of satisfying her client.

Why did she feel wrong? Well: everybody else in her company seemed to not take issue with all the demands. Only her.

I asked her to consider that she wasn’t the only one who suffered, but that she was the one who took action.

She started to set boundaries: “Please don’t call past 8 PM, unless it’s an emergency”, “I will leave the office today at 5 PM to train for an event” and she slowly gained her life back.

Work life balance is an illusion: there is no division between work and life. But more important is this:

Work life balance is a personal responsibility – no one will do it for you, if you don’t do it.

Could it be as easy as setting boundaries? You won’t know if you don’t try.

Here are 3 strategies to get you started:

1. Envision yourself on your deathbed.

What’s the first thing that comes to mind? It won’t be: “I wish I had worked more”. It’s a cliché – but most clichés are routed in reality. The five regrets of the dying was a article that became pretty big in 2012. No matter what you feel your regrets might be, take them as an inspiration to start setting boundaries.

2. Get in contact with your future self.

 Envision yourself 20 years from now. Now meet that person: a wiser, more experienced version of you. Ask: “What do I need to know?”. Most future self’s answer: “You shouldn’t worry so much. Relax. It’s all gonna work out.”

Or

Write a letter from the future to yourself. Set the date to:  March 2035. What’s all in place now? What’s the tone of the letter? Write freely. Take the what you learned from the letter and start to get into action.

3. Buddy up.

 I said that no one will do it for you, unless you do it. Having a buddy will help you. Find a person you trust and confide about your stress and worries. Share what you would like to accomplish and set strategies together. Then check in on a regular basis and be strict about it.

Bonus thought:

Start small, but not too small. The brain can’t deal with BIG changes too well. If you want to spend more time with your family, set 1 day a week that you will leave the office at 5. Turn off your phone on Sundays. And remember: no one will do it for you, if you don’t.

I grew up believing that I am unathletic. Even throwing a frisbee made me uncomfortable and self conscious. At age 35 I decided to finally get over myself. It was one of those turnkey moments of life. I remember the exact thought: “You can continue like this and die never trying or you can just do it.”
That night I went to a team in training meeting, signed up and began training for a marathon.

In December 2002 I completed the Honolulu marathon in 5:58:14. My first race ever.

The path to the race wasn’t easy: I shed many tears after training runs and felt inadequate; especially comparing myself to other runners. In hindsight it didn’t seem that hard at all.

It’s the typical bait and switch the mind does: First undermine with sabotaging thoughts. Then, after succeeding, belittle the effort.

We are almost 2 months in to the new year and your mind might sabotage you: “All the big plans you had for this year and not much to show for it!”

So it’s time for a reminder:”It’s a marathon, not a race”.

Step by step you will succeed. In all areas. Creating health. Building wealth. Creating the career you want.

The key is to take action.

I remember the start of the Honolulu marathon: I was scared and excited. And then I just started running. I still feel how liberating it was to finally do it. And the second marathon was much easier.

I am constantly distracted: should I check my messages on my phone or play my next turn of word with friends or find out about a discounted lift ticket or….?

These days I have a hard time reading a book or to engage in a long conversation without being distracted. I didn’t have attention deficit disorder as a kid and am afraid I have it now. It’s technology induced. Too much information everywhere. When I was a kid and had to walk 10 miles barefoot through ice-storms (each way) to get to school, it was OK not to instantly know the answer to something.  If you were really interested, you looked it up in a dictionary. Now I look up and almost instantly forget everything I want to know. And while I am at it I get lost in Facebook, Youtube…you name it. I used to get excited about phone calls. Or letters. Or – later – about messages on my answering machine. I promise, I am not 100 years old, even though I sound it.

So by now you understand that I’m a bit overwhelmed. What’s new is that I also start to get annoyed with all the lists and tips that are out there!

25 tips to deal with digital distractions (25 tips are not distracting at all)

9 daily habits that will make you happier (and if you are not following all of them, you will be miserable)

10 things extraordinary people say everyday (will I be extraordinary if I only say 8 of those things, what about if I say each thing twice, does that make me  extra-extraordinary?)

The irony is not lost on me that I add to the multitude of information that you have to deal with by writing a blog post. I get sucked in in these lists and then – again – most of the time forget or get stressed about that I don’t do any of these things or get very pleased with myself that I do most of them or create a new list of things I should do…

So here is my list for you:

 3 invented facts you need to know to make you remarkably likable, happier and successful in the 5 most important areas of your life and get you more popular with the top ten people you want to impress:

1. Less is more.

2. Technology might be the enemy.

3. Be present.

Could I be any more generic? Probably…and I don’t have all the answers (yet) -

BUT

I have a hunch that you might have most of the answers for yourself. With more technology and distractions around it might be important for you to take a step back and listen to the person that is most familiar with you: YOU.

For many January 1^st is the day to start fresh. We want things to improve, achieve something we never achieved before and finally get on to those tasks that have been dormant for so long.

Some of us create new years resolutions and some of us are really good in breaking them. Here is what a friend of mine posted on January 3rd :

This year, many of my friends, if asked about their resolutions, answered: “I didn’t even bother making any.”

So I suggest setting intentions instead of hard goals.

Here are mine:

 I intend to be present, healthy and joyful each day of the year.

Being present seems to be the secret ingredient for all my successes and good experiences. It’s a compass that helps me in making the right decisions and in finding solutions.

Being healthy means that I make the right choices (even when I’m sick).

And being joyful is a must!

With that said:

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU

Keep it simple and don’t be too hard on yourself!

This weekend at Bonfire Heights I had a chance to connect with some amazing people.

I would have probably never met Diane Latiker, a 55-year-old black woman who is fighting to save youths in the mean streets of South Chicago. It was a privilege for me to host her for a bit and share things she never experienced like eating s’mores around a bonfire and the beauty of redwood trees. Diane’s truth and conviction moved me deeply.

I also never would have engaged with T Ortiz, who was sexually exploited and shipped around the US from the age of 10-17. T has a fire in her — when she speaks, you listen.

I met many more inspiring people over the course of 2 days.

There are barriers built by socio-economic, racial, religious and age difference. Most of us don’t make enough effort to overcome them.

After this weekend, I am reminded that it is crucial to get people from all walks of life together on a regular basis –- that connection soothes us and makes us feel strong. That connecting moves us and not just bonds people but also reminds us of a truth that is covered up by opinions and fears.

The truth that was uncovered for me is:

We all want to make the world a better place.
We all deeply care about another.
We want to be seen and love and be loved.

The power of connection might be the ultimate power…

]]> http://www.thelinkedteam.com/2012/11/05/the-ultimate-power/feed/ 4 http://www.thelinkedteam.com/2012/09/19/the-disconnect-why-some-companies-dont-know-that-they-suck-to-work-for/ http://www.thelinkedteam.com/2012/09/19/the-disconnect-why-some-companies-dont-know-that-they-suck-to-work-for/#comments Wed, 19 Sep 2012 22:55:40 +0000 Nicole Gruen http://www.thelinkedteam.com/?p=1297

How many companies do you know have a reputation that they are hard to work for? Or to say it in the words of my friend: Companies that suck! I know a few. I am hesitant to name them, because as a small business owner, I don’t want to burn any bridges before I even built them. My hope is that one day I will get the chance to work with some of them and to make a difference. The question is, how to approach them and let them know about their reputation. I have the feeling that they might be in denial…

And that’s the disconnect: they are still financially secure and successful. So they don’t see a need to act.

When I talk to my friends about those sucky companies, there is a common theme.

It’s mostly about management: their lack of commitment, knowledge and engagement. People don’t feel seen or trusted. Cumbersome policies are paralyzing employees. There is a lack of communication and no clear goals or directions. People who ‘suck up’ or are good at politics seem to be rewarded; real skill or knowledge seems to go unnoticed.

The people I talk to have either already quit their job or are only hanging on because they feel it’s safe for the moment and they have to pay a mortgage, pay for childcare, etc. They feel frustrated and that they won’t be able to make a difference. They would rather blame than act. They feel disempowered.

To name a few companies without actually ‘naming’ them:

-  A multinational internet corporation with about 16,000 employees.

-  A 60 billion/year multinational pharmaceutical company.

-  A toy manufacturer with about 20 employees.

-  An award winning company that focuses on learning and education with about 500 employees.

ALL of those companies are really really good at what they do, lead the market and/or have a great product. The general population knows their name. It just seems that they are not good at organizational health. And that’s the disconnect: they are still financially secure and successful. So they don’t see a need to act.

In the Internet age, word gets around. Good reputation will translate into dollars.

We all know about the companies that are great to work for: Apple, Zappos, Pixar, Clif Bar, Southwest Airlines. Books are written about them and they are quoted in the Harvard Business Review, on TV and we long to work for them.

How come the sucky companies don’t feel the urgency to act? Wouldn’t the label: ‘Great company to work for’ be a reward in itself? I don’t have an answer for it.

The thing I do know is that organizational health makes a HUGE difference and that it will be a big competitive advantage –if not the most important competitive advantage — a company can have.

In the Internet age, word gets around. Good reputation will translate into dollars.

How do you create organizational health?

It’s not that hard. The first step is that you admit that you have a problem. Take the blinders off. (Check your score on glassdoor.com or actually listen to your employees). And then attack the problem from each level.

A pure top down approach won’t work. Integrating all levels of an organization is key.

Each component of an organization needs to assume responsibility and take action.

The top level needs to gain clarity about its existence, what needs to be addressed right now, what behavior is acceptable and what behavior isn’t. They need to be clear in their goals, procedures and communication.

Teams need to be cohesive and strong.

Each employee needs to take responsibility for their own engagement and fulfillment.

This is not a one time thing, it’s an ongoing process that needs to be kept alive.

Parts of the process are described in Lencioni’s new book “The Advantage” other parts of the process are actually based on my ‘Alive with Work’ program.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: the average person works 2000+ hours per year. That’s too much time to work for a company that sucks the life force out of you. And it’s time that those companies take off the blindfolds and get healthy.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Not always. Sometimes one gets depressed or stuck or plainly ‘not over it’. Taryn Davis lost her husband when she was 21 years old. He died died in Iraq.

Talking about death is hard. I don’t know what to say or how to be with someone that faced a tragedy. When I was about to interview her I felt nervous.  There was no need, really: Taryn is easy to talk to and fun. So please, don’t be nervous now to read about death – please read on and  get some of the energy that Taryn has. She turned a tragedy around into service, love and purpose.

Nicole: Describe the moment you knew that you would like to create an organization to support widows.

The moment I decided to create it was when I had hit rock bottom. Living was an idea I was losing faith in but I knew I had to live for Michael until I found a reason to live for myself. The first step, I knew, would entail embracing the title I’d been given unwillingly: widow.

I went on to google for the answers. Typed in “WIDOW” and got the response, “Did you mean: WINDOW?”. That was the catalyst to it all.

Nicole: What is the American Widow Project. Why did you create it?

The American Widow Project is the first and only non-profit dedicated to serving the new generation of military widows through our alternative peer to peer programs created to overcome grief, embrace survival, and create a future. I created it out of my own necessity to want to survive my husband’s death in Iraq. My need to connect with those like me.

Nicole: What changed for you when you met other widows?

My life. They gave me a reason to live. They ignited my passion to breathe, persevere, and explore all that was before me.

Nicole: What’s the thing we don’t know about widows?

Their scars can’t be seen with the naked eye, but they are some of the largest wounds carried by those affected by war. Embrace them. Empower them. Learn from them. They understand how finite life is. They understand true love.

Nicole: Why did Michael want to serve?

He wanted to feel he was making a difference in the lives of others. He wanted to feel challenged and that his life was more then for just himself.

Nicole: What were your plans before Michael died? Did you have a career in mind? What was it?

I was a criminal justice major who planned on having a boring desk job that would suffice as long as I got to return home to Michael. We wanted to travel the world, start a family. Live and love with all of our being.

Nicole: It seems that you found a way to serve a cause bigger than yourself as well. Would you agree?

Undoubtedly. It is the goal that every human being should have.

A quote I always remember is:
I wondered why somebody didn’t do something.  Then I realized, I am somebody.

Nicole: What’s next for you and your organization?

Our main goal os to reach every military widow in the Nation. After reaching them it is our goal to provide them with resources and events that allow them to not only see that they can survive such a catastrophe, but thrive afterwards! Our goals are lofty, but attainable with the amount of passion behind it.

Nicole: How can people get involved? How can we support widows in our community?

Donations are always needed and appreciated, but our volunteers are just as necessary. Email tabbatha@americanwidowproject.org or visit: http://americanwidowproject.org/volunteer/ to find the best fit and use of your
talents to support the new generation of military widows.

 To do what you love is to never work another day of your life.

Nicole: What was the best job you ever had? Why?

The job I have now: Executive Director of the American Widow Project. To do what you love is to never work another day of your life.

Nicole: Why did you say YES to speak at Bonfire Heights?

As humans, it’s necessary that we evolve, grow, learn, become inspired daily. Bonfire Heights is the sum of all those things.

Want to meet Taryn Davis in person? Sign up for Bonfire Heights here. 

Do you love your job? Talk to me!

How about gaining peace of mind in the area of work? Or would you like to strengthen your team and gain organizational health?  I want to talk to you!

How come some people have a lot of energy to pursue whatever they are up to and others don’t? What gets you going in the morning?

A couple of weeks ago, Steven Franklin (founder of the Organizer guys) banged his elbow in the shower dancing to Janet Jackson  so hard, he thought it might be broken. Fortunately it wasn’t. This is the kind of joy he starts most days with. Newest happiness science says that happiness is 10% circumstance, 40% habits and 50% genetics. Steven won the happiness lottery. His energy is infectious. And he is using it for a good cause.

Over the last 5 years or so he went from cleaning up people’s garages to being one of the most successful organizers in the country.

His business is expanding even in the midst of a tough economy.

People seem to feel that being organized is a necessity they want to afford.

In case you are not ready to shell out the money but would like to get more organized nonetheless, read what the master has to say.

Nicole: Why are you in the organizing business?

The truth is that I love helping people. Plus I get totally excited by walking into a space and seeing it for what it could be. Most clients can’t see through the storm and this is what I’m great at.

Nicole: How did you get started?

At 10 years old, I would organize my mothers linen closet over and over. I remember being 11 and rearranging the furniture in our living room every month. The sofa was heavy and I had to get on my hands and knees to push it across the room with my body weight.

The start of the business was interesting. I left my job managing a Banana Republic store and took on the business full time. I remember from day one declaring to everyone around me that I was ‘The Best Organizer in the Bay Area”, even to organizers that had been in the business for 15 years. I had maybe 2 or 3 clients at the time. I didn’t even have a car, and every day I had a client I would walk down to Enterprise car rental to rent a car for the day. I became their best customer until I finally got a car.

Nicole: What’s wrong with chaos? Isn’t that a sign of genius?

HA! (as he falls off the chair in laughter) Clutter is only an issue if you feel it’s holding you back. You get to declare if it’s a problem or not.

Nicole: How do you get started being more organized?

It’s important to not look at the project whether it be your garage or office as a whole. Break it into smaller projects. Tackle one bag or stack of paper a day.

Stop beating yourself up about the way the space has become. 

It’s not serving you. Reward yourself for the strides that you make as you go along.

Nicole: Many people these days feel that they don’t have enough time. Where do you begin if you have limited time?

The key is to chunk off sections of a large project. If you tackled one box or one pile of paper every night in your office or garage your problem area will disappear.

Nicole: What do I need to do Daily, Weekly, Monthly?

The biggest thing to master is managing the mail that comes in daily. If you can manage your daily mail you’re on the right track. Take your mail in to the house and stand over the recycling bin. I also pay my bills once a month. You have to make time for it. I can give you tips all day long and at the end of the day you have to create a schedule that works for you.

This is a tough lesson to master but once you do your home will thank you… and I’ll be out of a job.

Nicole: It’s easy for me to clean up. But how do I stay organized?

Maintenance is key. The best system is crap if you don’t maintain it. It’s also important to set limits for yourself. Allow yourself 4 plastic bins of holiday decorations or one shelf of handbags. Once you reach your limit its time to edit. This is a tough lesson to master but once you do your home will thank you…and I’ll be out of a job.

Nicole: What’s the biggest transformation you witnessed?

I once worked with a client in SF that was honestly stuck. Her apartment was full of stuff and she hadn’t been in her kitchen for over 2 years. I worked with her for over a month sifting through all of the stuff that was keeping her down and she was so inspired she ended up buying a new condo and moving downtown. Her life was radically altered. We’re still friends!

Nicole: What gets you excited?

Every day is so different. You work in different homes with different personalities. The variety keeps my interest for sure. I love hearing stories and holding the clients hand as we sift through emotional baggage that’s been keeping them from fully accessing their potential or the potential of their space.

Nicole: Ok, I’m ready. Give me your top 3 tips!

1. Stop beating yourself up, it’s not serving you.

2. Break up large projects into small projects and tackle over time.

3. Set limits.

Life might not always show up as easy but it’s a great intention to hold!

Check out more of Steven’s work here. Steven Franklin has been nominated by San Francisco’s 7×7 magazine.   VOTE FOR HIM.

Captain Lewis: Different things to different people. But almost all concerns can be placed under the umbrella of stopping corporations from influencing our politician’s decisions.

Captain Lewis: I got involved due to a sense of civic duty and the belief that I could be effective in bringing the occupy movement into mainstream America, and inspiring the occupiers. The moment was while witnessing film showing Wall Street workers looking down on a demonstration from a balcony at the New York Stock Exchange. They were popping Champaign bottles, pouring them into crystal glasses, all the while looking down and laughing at the demonstrators. I thought, “How dare you! No, no, no you don’t” The moral equivalent of “Let them eat cake”.

Captain Lewis: I continue to be involved because I believe I am still being effective in bringing the occupy movement into mainstream America and inspiring the occupiers. I would like to get many more Americans demanding corporate money out of politics.

Captain Lewis: No big deal. I productively spent my time waiting to be processed doing push-ups, sit-ups, stretching, aerobics (quickly stepping up and down on the steel bunk), and meditating. HOWEVER, I would go nuts in prison for any long stretch.

Captain Lewis: The gift was that it went viral and I received an enormous amount of recognition that I still would not have to this day without the arrest.

Captain Lewis: Fallout has been egregious threatening letters from the Phila. Police Commissioner and the President from my very own union. I’ll send you copies. My emotional and physical well being is on the line for me. The worst-case scenario is that I am assassinated by a glory-seeker or a corporate hired killer.

Captain Lewis: My convictions against corporate corruption will not allow me to do so.

Captain Lewis: Run and/or actively get involved in local elections, call, call, call and write, write, write local officials, write letters to local publications, join local activist groups, donate services and money, and very importantly form groups to protest outside of local newspapers, radio stations, businesses that are not promoting their values in truth in reporting.

Captain Lewis: Put off having children if not too late. Follow your passion, no matter what the monetary compensation or where it takes you.

Captain Lewis: Thought it an avenue to spread my message.

Wanna meet Captain Lewis in person? Sign up for Bonfire Heights here. 

Do you love your job? Talk to me!

Would you like to gain more job fulfillment for yourself or your employees? I want to talk to you!

Read the letters:

Captain_Ray_Lewis_Letter_Police_commissioner

Letter from the Fraternal order of the Police